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Grief & Loss Therapy
Counselling for grief & loss concerns in South Surrey and BC
Support for living with a loss and finding meaning
STRESS LESS
EASE YOUR MIND
When Loss Uproots Your Life
THERAPY CAN HELP YOU FIND YOUR GROUND
"We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend."
- Brene Brown -
Loss is a universal experience and yet, a very personal one. Loss can come to us in many ways - the loss of person, a relationship, a role we have played, an expected future, a capacity/ability we no longer have (i.e. accident or illness), a spiritual belief, or pieces we leave behind as we transition to a new stage of life. Grief is our process and response to this loss. What seems to be true of many losses, is a common sense of feeling "untethered" - of trying to find your footing in a new way.
Grieving a loss is an incredibly challenging process - and also one that helps us better understand ourselves and the personal meaning of loss. Therapy can help you make sense and make meaning of your loss, so you can find steady ground again.
A few notes about grief...
Grief has no fixed timeline.
There's no "right" way to grieve.
You define what is "a loss."
Grieving is an incredibly personal process - it's path, unique to each person and to each loss. It is common to wonder if your experience is "normal" and to want to know when the pain will subside. It can be helpful to have support as you experience the ebb and flow of your grief.
How Is Loss Affecting You?
GRIEF'S MANY RESPONSES
Loss is a multidimensional experience, touching many aspects of our lives. Similarly, you may find your grief responses to encompass your thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, spirituality, and relationships with others. Below are just some of the ways you may be feeling impacted:
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sadness or depression
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confusion, disbelief, shock
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numbness, emptiness
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anger, irritability, anxiety
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guilt, resentment, regret
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relief (i.e. if severe illness)
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difficulty experiencing joy or engaging in life
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difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, foggy
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thoughts of self-blame
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uncertainty about future
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muscle tension & pain
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low energy & fatigue
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changes with sleep and appetite
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headaches,digestive issues
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restlessness
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slowed body movements and speech
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avoidance (of people, places, situations, convos)
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isolation and withdrawal
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difficulty doing the things you love
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difficulty with motivation and taking action, acting impulsively or staying "busy" in effort to move on
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desire to stay in bed
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lack of self-care
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changes in substance use
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difficulty being alone or
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pulling away from others
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changes in relationships and social circles
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comparing self to others who have "moved on"
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challenges with trust (esp if loss was associated with betrayal)
Growing Around Your Grief
"Growing around grief" is a compassionate model of grief and loss developed by Lois Tonkin, a grief counsellor. This gentle concept emphasizes that instead of "moving on" from or getting rid of grief, healing is a process of integrating the loss and growing an expanded life around the loss. Instead of moving through linear "stages," it that suggests the nature of grief is to ebb and flow.
Living fully and living with loss, can co-exist.
Making Invisible Losses Visible
Not all losses are recognized as loss and thus, some types of grief may get overlooked or under-recognized and yet they are still just as impactful. A few of these are named below:
Disenfranchised grief:
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grief that may not be socially recognized or validated such as: a relationship betrayal loss, pet loss, infertility, miscarriage, losses of non-bio parents
Anticipatory grief:
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grief associated with losing something in the future such as: health and capacity changes of a progressive condition, prolonged caregiving, terminal illness, expecting a residential move
Collective or cultural grief:
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grief associated with loss faced by a group of people such as: climate grief, cultural displacement and loss, historical/generational loss and trauma
"This is not the life you pictured, but here you are. You can still make something. Grieve. Breathe. Begin again.
- Thema Bryant-Davis -
How Grief Therapy Can Help
Here are just a few of the ways therapy might help you grow life around your grief.
01
Learn to ride the waves
Grief responses can be inconveniently unpredictable. One moment you may feel ok and the next you may find yourself crying in the grocery store. Learn how to expect unexpected reactions without fear or anxiety so you can allow yourself to do the important work of grieving. Therapy can help you find some steadiness when you feel as though the rug has been pulled beneath you.
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Acknowledge all aspects of the loss
Being able to name all the losses within the larger loss, can be an important and validating process to helping us understand how life has changed. Identifying these aspects can further help us disentangle all that we are feeling within the grieving process. This may also include naming any changes that may bring relief or feelings that feel scary or unacceptable to name. Therapy provides a safe space to validate the complex experience of grief and loss.
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Accepting the unacceptable
There are times where our mind tries very hard to protect us/our hearts from significant pain. We want to fight hard to keep what we have lost, which sometimes means not accepting that a loss has happened. This can be an incredibly challenging experience. Therapy can help you come to terms with your loss so you can begin working through it.
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Find and fill the gaps
Loss can bring a significant re-shuffling of the pieces of your life. You may find gaps of practical, logistical, social or emotional support to meet your or other family member's needs. Therapy can help you name what your new needs are and problem-solve for these within your circles or with the addition of new resources.
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Find what you'd like to carry forward
To many, loss can be seen as or feel like a process of letting go. Just as important however, is that which we don't want to let go of and instead find a way to integrate and carry forward with us into the rest of our lives. This can be especially true with the loss of a loved one. Therapy can help you consider how you would like to keep the connection, or the gifts from the experience, as life becomes more full again.
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Connect with meaning and purpose
It is not uncommon for people to feel disconnected or have trouble finding meaning in life following a loss. Therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, including those parts of yourself that felt like they got lost too. Making meaning of the loss and re-connecting with yourself in a new way can help bring a sense of re-connection with purpose and meaning for your own life.
